Manila

I get to travel to Manila for work more or less every quarter. I hate Manila. It's congested, polluted, and expensive. It takes forever to get anywhere. It costs a lot to be out and about in the big city. It's tiring. Everyone's in a hurry. Everyone seems angry and there's this general distrust for one's fellowman.

But as the famous Pinoy [short for Filipino] group Hotdog (or is it Hotdogs?) sang, "Manila, Manila, I keep coming back to Manila..." Because there is something that makes me want to go back to Manila in spite of all its big city annoyances.

A three-year old boy with curly hair and amazing dimples. His grandparents, parents, and uncles too. But mostly three-year old boy. :)

When my nephew was born I was about to relocate to Mindanao for work. I sat for him during his first seven months. Then I moved to southern Philippines. I missed his first birthday. And the second too. :( The first couple of years of being away from home, I missed a lot of family events. The same story goes with my friends. My friends were celebrating birthdays and graduations, getting introduced to boyfriends/girlfriends, publishing books, starting businesses, getting awards of some sort... And I was a thousand-something kilometers away witnessing all these events unfold through Facebook and Skype.

It sucked.

Last year I decided to be present for all major life events of family and friends. And it was amazing.

But I realized that putting too much focus on events just makes you look for the next "high." Not that being present during major life events isn't important but event-focused living usually leaves you wanting more and more. Or gives you the illusion of being present when in reality, most of the time, you are not. There is a certain depth to being part of and soaking in the everyday and seemingly mundane.

I also realized that even in the communities I have been working with, though I have been invited to be part of major life events (weddings, baptisms, etc.), relationships are built in the everyday journeying together. My being a godmother to a tribal child doesn't mean anything if I am not present enough for the child to recognize and acknowledge me as her godmother.

One of the major things that I learned last year was the concept of journeying. That instead of thinking constantly of beginnings and endings (which focuses a lot on events), I saw that looking at things in a continuum of life milestones was better. So there aren't really beginnings and endings. Only milestones in our ever-continuing journey to self discovery and discovery of others.

And in the journey of discovery, presence matters a lot. In the major life events, yes. But more importantly in the everyday journey.

I still don't know how that looks like when I'm not in Manila. But when I am, I really appreciate it that I can baby sit for my nephew in the mornings, work in the afternoons, and have quiet, home-cooked dinners with really close friends in the evenings. :)

Nephew and Aunty's morning play time :)
We play games that improve gross and fine motor skills (that's a really nerdy way of saying we play basketball, catch, run, draw, dance, etc.), joke around, and give each other lots of hugs and kisses